Every fall about this time of year and especially winter, I get super depressed real easily. The cold just does something to me mentally. I could be out with all of my friends and be there smiling and laughing but I’m not really there. It’s all kind of a mask I guess you could say.
I think a lot of it is because I’m lonely. I see everyone else with their significant other and I guess I get jealous. I want someone to look at me like they’re excited I’m there with them. I kind of feel like I just fall into the background just watching everyone else when I’m out. I get extremely quiet and kind of shut down. By that point I just want to go home and then chances are I won’t be out for weeks after that until I get out of the funk. I figure why torture myself by being with all these happy couples. Don’t get me wrong I’m happy you’re all happy but it just gets to me.
I understand I can have a boyfriend if I really wanted to. This goes back to an earlier post. I don’t know what my problem is. I want it but I resist it. I have a problem, I get that. I am basically torturing myself and keeping myself from being happy. Or in the past I have watched the guys I liked and their girlfriend be all over each other. Talk about torture. That’s enough to make you depressed. That’s when you gotta tell yourself to get over it and you can do better.
I guess I just need to get over whatever my fear or problems are and find a guy so that loneliness isn’t a problem, but until then it’s my hibernating season from everyone.